The Things You Should Have Learned By Now…

Funny But True Observations

• Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

• By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

• Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

• Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
• It’s not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.

• There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness’.

• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

• You should not confuse your career with your life.

• Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

• Never lick a steak knife.

• The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

• You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.

• You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

• There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday… That time is age eleven.

• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

•  A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

•  Your friends love you anyway.

•  Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur      built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Hope you enjoyed my niece’s email as much as I did. Now here is an assignment for those of you who have a natural bent for humor.

Let’s see if you can come up with as succinct and as humorous one liners as the author above. I will start you off with a couple of my own one liners. Ready?!

Here goes:

• Silence is golden except when it collides with apathy
• Your Words have power beyond the grave make them count

• Words like raindrops nourish the soul

Now it’s time to get your creative juices flowing and post your own masterpiece for all to read. I shall post as many as I can in my next post.

As always my very best.

Till the next time.

Me!